I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
