Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
