I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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