Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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