no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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