fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
