Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
