he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
