What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im six kinds of drunk right now
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize