so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
