i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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