watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
