The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So vagazzling was a success
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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