I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
