one might say we're banned from that church
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
