Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
