Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
