Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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