I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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