I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
