I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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