Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
