How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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