I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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