never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
