He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't turn off my feet"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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