I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize