Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
where are my eyebrows?
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