You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
