pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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