I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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