Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
