Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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