dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
