dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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