Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i may or may not be watching the land before time
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
