We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
did you just send me my own nude
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
