He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
