oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
