Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you would pick up someone in the library
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How external is "for external use only"?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
