she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
