I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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