I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
