Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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