Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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