seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
