just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
