oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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