as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
