Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize