This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
