i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
