can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
