she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You made out with two different species that night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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