Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
