wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
