i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
