So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
