Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
