I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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