You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
