She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
