i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
