Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
