my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
