Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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