I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
