i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
