Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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