What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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