I just saw a hot homeless man
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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