i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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