Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
