Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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