Too much gin, very little bucket
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
